What does Private Joker's Head mean?
Private Joker is a character from Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket,
and is my most common internet handle. Since "head" also means toilet in Marine terminology, the title is appropriate
for my thoughts.
Why the 1-10 scale on grading?
It reminds me of the great lunch scene in L.A. Story ("How was your flight?" "I give it an 8"). Besides, the star system is overdone and pretty lame (not to mention
it means different things for different critics), and the growing popularity of the letter grade system makes me feel too
academic. If you want a conversion chart, then I shall not disappoint:
10 = **** (A). Simply brilliant, a virtually flawless masterpiece.
9 = **** (A-). A great film, will probably make my top ten list for
the year.
8 = ***1/2 (B+). Really damn good. A couple of drawbacks,
but highly recommended.
7 = *** (B). Solid. See it if you get a chance.
6 = **1/2 (B-). Barely above average, nothing to write home about.
5 = ** (C/C+). Doesn't really work. Sorry, Charlie.
4 = *1/2 (C-). It's got some serious problems.
3 = * (D/D+). This one flat-out sucks.
2 = 1/2* (D-). A total piece of shit, one of the worst of the year.
1 = no stars (F). Horrendous, beyond incompetent. The director
must be thrown screaming from a helicopter.
Wait a second, what happened to the GGR system?
The GGR system, as many of you know, comes from the Alec Baldwin speech
in Glengarry Glen Ross when he mentions that for the sales contest, "The first prize is a Cadillac, second prize is a set of steak knives, third
prize is you're fired." These are still my preferred rankings, but the more specific 1-10 scale will provide better
information, if less philosophically accurate. Here's how it breaks down for those of you who still understand the genius
of the GGR:
9-10 = Cadillac
5-8 = Steak Knives
1-4 = You're Fired
How do I contact you to tell you what a dumb-ass you are?
You must have missed the link on the home page, genius. Here's another
link to write me an e-mail.
What makes you think you're qualified to write about movies?
Who said I was qualified? I just watch a lot of them.
OK, Mr. Critic, if you're so smart why don't you make your own
movies?
I do. And I'm also hard at work writing more features and hustling in L.A.
And no one said you had to be a filmmaker to critique them. Oliver Stone liked Battlefield Earth so don't give
me that argument.
Are you serious? The Way of the Gun the third best film
of 2000?
You're god damn right I'm serious. It's the most misunderstood, unfairly
ignored, and underrated masterpiece in the last 15 years, and I beg everyone who dissed it to watch it a second time,
pay attention to how McQuarrie communicates everything visually and often counters his own dialogue, and then recognize the
refreshing respect he grants the audience by letting you put two and two together on your own. It's so much more intelligent
and substantial than the overrated The Usual Suspects, it makes my head spin. Forget your expectations
and critical baggage. I can give a lot of leeway on a lot of movies, but I have yet to hear one convincing argument
why The Way of the Gun isn't remarkable cinema.
Is that picture really you?
How did you find this website? And isn't it time for your meds?
Do you just love every Kubrick movie no matter what, simply because
Kubrick is your favorite director? Come on, Eyes Wide Shut?
No, Kubrick is my favorite director because he made nothing but
great films for over 40 years. And yes, Eyes Wide Shut is pretty great.
Do you have a least favorite movie of all time?
Yes, and don't remind me. It's not even a movie. It's brain cancer.
Why the dot-org?
You think I'm making money off this? No way -- non-profit, baby. We do charity work
here at Private Joker.
